Finding Freedom in Forgiveness
Kira’s Story
A year and a half ago, I was thrown into a jail cell. I had lost my freedom, in every sense of the word.
I felt as though I had turned my back on God and that I was poison — hurting everyone I came in contact with.
I may have given up on myself that day, but God had other plans.
For 12 years of my childhood, I silently endured molestation at the hands of my stepfather. My mother never knew until one day, when I was 14, I finally said enough is enough. He was thrown in jail and convicted.
The damage had been done though. I told myself I was a victim. The trauma was my crutch and I gave him power over my life for years — I couldn't let go and numbed my pain with an addiction to alcohol.
I tried treatment but it didn't stick. Forgiving my stepfather was my key to freedom. But I wasn't ready.
I relapsed and continued down a darker path.
My son was born but I was too selfish to be a parent — I couldn't stop using. He was placed in the care of my mother.
I started using heroin. I was trying to numb all of my feelings — all of my pain. I was so angry at the world and even more angry at myself. I carried so many resentments and while I knew they didn't help me, I also liked them because it gave me a good reason to keep using.
And then I found myself in a jail cell.
When I put on my prison-issued jumpsuit, putting on the armor of God flashed across my mind. I had grown up atheist but at a treatment center a few years ago, they had introduced me to God.
Now, in this moment, I thought about fully surrendering to God and asking Him to use my life, my will and to do with me what He wanted. I was tired and ready to give up that life.
My lawyer and I called Hope for Freedom. As it turns out, they were the only recovery center that answered the phone when caller ID said it was the prison calling.
I was released to their care with a monitoring bracelet around my ankle and I have been putting in the hard work every day since to find true freedom.
I am sober. I have forgiven my stepfather, my mother and myself. I have reestablished a relationship with my son. I no longer look at my past and think of myself as a victim. I look back and see my past as something that happened for me, not to me, and I share that message with the other women at Hope for Freedom.
Today, I am free and I am victorious. I have let go of anger and resentments and all of the negativity.
God showed me a picture a long time ago. We were walking on the beach together. I kept tripping and stumbling and His big, outstretched hand was always there waiting for me to take hold.
Finally I took His hand and we started running.