I am fighting for myself
Christie’s Story
I can remember the exact moment when everything changed.
Last January, in a detox centre on Vancouver Island, I dropped to my knees in complete desperation. I prayed fearlessly for change. I didn’t know who I was praying to, but I knew I was done doing this on my own.
At 45 years old, after decades of trauma, I was done with feeling worthless.
I was done with letting men abuse and gaslight me.
I was done with using drugs to mask my pain.
I was a child when I tried drugs for the first time. I remember how the marijuana numbed the pain I felt a little. I was already carrying a lot of hurt from abandonment and sexual abuse.
It is more than any child should have to live with.
And that's why, at just 15 years old, I was using heroin.
Today, I look back and know that I was self-medicating. I was looking for a way to manage undiagnosed ADHD and live with the pain and trauma that life had dealt me so young. I remember feeling more stable and secure when I was high than when I wasn't.
Drugs led to unhealthy relationships which led to my first pregnancy at 19 years old.
Just barely out of childhood myself, I became a mom to Jaidyn. I had stopped using heroin while I was pregnant and got into treatment.
Those early years with Jaidyn were hard, but I stayed clean. I was focused on being the best mom I could be and I did well when he was small. I loved my son dearly and I wanted to give him the best life I could.
Without a family to rely on, I sought help, support and love in all the wrong places. I fell into one unhealthy relationship after another, and started using opioids to calm my racing mind and numb the pain. My son asked to go live with his aunt and uncle.
My life spiraled out of control. Abuse. Loss. Trauma.
And then one day, 11 years later, I was on my knees in the detox centre.
Someone heard my prayer.
My whole life I thought that God was a punishing force. Looking back now, I see that He was helping me all along. He was holding me up. He was making me resilient and strong so that I could get here.
In January 2023, I was welcomed into Glory House, Hope for Freedom’s Recovery Home for Women.
For the first time in my life, I am fighting for myself. I am doing the hard work of recovery. I’ve done every course they’ve put me in. I go to the meetings and share with my counsellor. I show up for myself and others. I’m not in a rush. I’ll be here until I'm ready to stand on my own two feet — no matter how long that takes.
Today, I am a House Monitor and I was recently hired as a Peer Support Worker at Glory House. I love giving back to this community what was given to me: unconditional love that helped me heal parts of myself that I thought were beyond repair.
I am reconnected with Jaidyn, who is doing well and building a life for himself as a young man. I talk to my sisters and I have an amazing new family in my friends, colleagues and peers at Hope for Freedom.
